At a time when some people are extremely proud to be citizens of the country I live in (others, not so proud), I'd like to share an alternate perspective.... I am lucky to have been born a citizen of the United States. Let me tell you why. For starters, freedom of speech provides me access to truths not accessible to all humans on this planet. Sure, certain facts can be bent to support the perspective of the one sharing the information. But ultimately, I have access to so many perspectives, I can decide for myself what feels right and what feels insincere. I'm lucky in that regard, because with a mind as curious and exploratory as mine, I might not fare so well in a country that didn't offer such freedom. I'm also very fortunate to live in a country with such advanced medical practices. Two years ago I developed a spinal disease that essentially disabled the use of my primary hand, and made all my physical actions painful to perform. It may have cost a lot, but I was able to have corrective surgery performed on my neck by a true master of the surgical arts. Other than minimal limitations that still exist simply because I wasn't more prompt in addressing the initial problem, I have never been stronger, or felt more capable. I am very lucky indeed. Another benefit of being an American is my ability to communicate with other people from around the globe; not just the freedom to do so, but the benefit of speaking such a commonly known language... English. Every day I connect with wonderful people from many different countries through social media tools like SoundCloud. And it's not because I'm multi-lingual that all this is possible. It's because the rest of the world is multi-lingual. Few Americans know a second language, but from my experience, it seems the majority of the rest of the world does; and most often, it's English. I am so lucky that I can share thoughts and ideas with people all over the globe, in my native tongue, because they put the effort forth to learn the language I just happen to be born into. So yes, I am lucky to be an American. And I want the rest of the world to know there are many of us who are just simply grateful. I don't see myself as entitled. I don't think of myself as superior to anyone else on this planet. I'm lucky to be where I am, I'm fortunate to have access to so many different opportunities and perspectives, and I'm grateful to the rest of the world for being who you are and giving me the chance to share this wonderful life with you. Thank you!!! :) *hops off his soapbox* Now on to the 'Arts and Crafts' portion of this post. A New Song for You to Enjoy: (023) 'My Optic Upgrade' I'm excited to share with you my second self-mixed/self-mastered song. This is definitely one of my stranger creations. Another re-envisioning of a much earlier piece (song 007, to be precise) that never left my hard drive. I’m always surprised by how much louder a song gets at the Mastering stage if the Mixing is done properly. And truth be told, I often have to return to the original to tweak settings, because that volume spike has a tendency to bring out the ‘eardrum piercing’ quality in some of my instruments. Regardless, I had a blast making this one, and believe I’m finally getting the hang of Logic. I can now say with complete confidence, I will have this program mastered… about a week before I die of old age. :D Click on the image link below to take a listen. A New, Old Painting You'll Already Recognize: (008) 'Branaugh 01'
My newest painting upload is the third and final portrait I did of my family a while back; this time of my oldest daughter Branaugh. It was finished on April 27th, 2007 (so nearly 10 years old now). While all three portraits make me happy, this is by far the best, in my opinion. I'm still amazed how well I captured the flesh tones, and the details of the face painting (from a photo taken on a family trip to DisneyWorld). Sometimes I look back at pieces I did much earlier, and ask myself 'how did you pull that off?' This is one of those. That's enough out of me for now. I have many more thoughts, songs and images to share. I'll offer them up as often as time allows. :D
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I’ll try to keep my posts shorter for a while (considering ‘My Dinner with Ego’ and the recent DeviantArt mega-update were both strong contenders for TLDR status).
The exciting news this week concerns my next song… To my surprise, a fellow Clouder (a top-notch producer whom I greatly respect) offered to mix and master one of my songs as a way of helping me understand that process better. Velocirapture was nearing completion at the time, and the files are now in his possession. Assuming I haven’t handed him a logistical nightmare, I’m looking forward to sharing with you one of my most complex, and now probably best sounding tracks ever. :D Keep your eyes on my SoundCloud account for that tasty little morsel. Personally, I’m so excited, I might just freak… then puke. o.O Here’s the latest from my other project: Deviant Art Update: (007) ‘Shauna's Select Wines’ This was a commissioned piece… done for the Wine Store in Park City, Utah about 9 years ago; intended as entrance signage for their 'High End' Cellar. To be honest, I don't know if it's still on display. It's been a while since I've been up that way. I had a great time meeting with the Store Manager; taking reference photos of wine bottles during my visit. I shopped for and photographed grapes (then ate said grapes lavishly)… and I researched images of grape vines and leaves to get everything as detailed as possible. A commissioned piece was a little intimidating at first. I was still in my first year of oil painting after all. But my ‘graphic art’ skills came to the rescue for typography and composition, and I was quite happy with the end results. I hope you find it to your liking as well. :) It's been several months since I last Blogged. Sad but true... my plans falling through with the Non Profit I've mentioned put a serious damper on my creative energies. I haven't written or painted in several months, and I need to address that. What I've been working on instead are building accounts on two new sites; one for my music and the other as a way to network with other artists. I'd love to have a tab with my songs here, and when I can finally justify upgrading to Weebly Pro I will do exactly that. Until then, you can check out my musical creations at (soundcloud.com/grevusanjl). In the past two months alone, I've managed to remaster and upload a song a week from my back catalog (skipping the songs that haven't stood the test of time). My page now has 10 tracks. And I'm trying to upload a new song every Wednesday until I've caught up. Once I've accomplished that (I'm guessing 7 to 10 more will make the cut), and with tons of practice in Logic under my belt, I'll return to producing new music. I can tell I've already learned tons from this little effort, and am excited to see what I'll be able to do next. The second site ties very nicely into this one; and serves as a bridge to an established art community so I can share my paintings, and hopefully make connections and get feedback (grevusanjl.deviantart.com). I only started my page on that site 2 weeks ago, and decided to catalog my paintings into chronological order, starting from the very beginning like I'm doing with SoundCloud. I'm already up to 5 paintings... my very earliest works. I'm happy to say they still blow me away, and remind me that I really, REALLY need to paint... frequently. It's very rewarding and keeps me spiritually healthy. So, although this post will be long, I wanted to catch this site up with DeviantArt. You'll notice my 5 oldest paintings are now available to view on my 'My Art' tab... way, way down at the bottom. And the text and images that follow are directly from my Deviant Art uploads. I hope you enjoy this little trip into my artistic past. And I hope you're also inspired to explore my other creative avenues on SoundCloud and DeviantArt. :) Deviant Art Upload 1 from 11/08/16: (001) 'GrevusAnjl' 'GrevusAnjl' is my first serious attempt at fine art (while under the generous guidance of an amazing professional artist and dear family friend, David Richey Johnsen). I painted it shortly after we moved back to our home state after 10 years on the East Coast. It will always symbolize my attempt to migrate from my previous career as a commercial graphic artist into life as a fine artist. A little back history... GrevusAnjl is a 'persona' I created when I was much younger; symbolizing my highest-minded, most loving self. (the oddly truncated spelling dates back to the old AOL days when user names were limited to 10 characters). This androgynous figure reminds me of my fascination of and profound love for this world; always remaining a little unsure and perhaps a bit mournful for how far we've fallen from our true potential. Upload 2 from 11/11/16: (002) 'Taken From Her' 'Taken From Her' is my second effort at being a professional painter; same simple, traditional palette of Titanium White, Burnt Umber and Burnt Sienna I used on 'GrevusAnjl'. The main study for this painting was a female stage performer from the late 1800's (Sorry to say, I didn't think to write down her name); one of many interesting characters I found in a super old black and white book, posing dramatically in their stage costumes. I could also mention I researched old European cemeteries and images of leafless, fall trees, but I suspect that may be evident. :) I envy painters who can clearly see their paintings in their minds. I'm not that fortunate. I usually composite my imagined pieces in Photoshop so I can move the layers around until I get a pleasing design. I also use a chalk grid so I can transfer the image to canvas more accurately. I remain ever hopeful my natural imagination will evolve the more I paint. I'm happy to say my technical skills have definitely improved with practice. Upload 3 from 11/14/16: (004) 'Cheer 01' It's pretty much what you might imagine; my first attempt at painting a portrait of someone named Cheer (*hint* my wifey *hint*). I painted only 6 or 7 pieces on canvas board before being 'scolded' by an art store employee. He told me I was past painting on inexpensive 'practice' materials. While it was a very nice, very generous compliment, it did take me a few days to get my ego back in check. Then again, I think everyone deserves to feel good when they're starting out. That lesson learned, I always found something worthy of praise in everything my art students created; an easy task when you see the love and excitement in their eyes. :) Upload 4 from 11/18/16: (005) 'Bremen 01' Same story as last Monday's submission, this time a portrait painting of my youngest daughter. I forgot to mention in my last post... this painting, 'Cheer 01' and 'Branaugh 01' (you'll get to see that in a week or so) were all painted from photos. By this point in time, I already had several life drawing classes and labs under my belt, but I didn't want to be rushed on this, and kids don't sit still very well. :) I also want to share a little trick I used for accuracy of detail. I'm a graphic artist by profession, and have many tools of the trade still lying around. One such tool is my trusty Proportion Wheel, an inexpensive little gadget predating the advent of computer layout. With that and a ruler, I was able to identify and place reference points on my canvas board for the exact position of key features like the inside and outside corners of they eyes, the sides of the mouth, the highest and lowest points of the ears, etc., from a much smaller photo. Interestingly, I had a fellow student call me a cheat when I told her about this technique. (Sad too, because I respected her, and thought she was really good. It's unfortunate to think I might have been a threat.) To that, I happily remind the viewer I also use grids and reference photos (personal, permissioned and public domain) and Photoshop to get my compositions and paintings as good as I can. I paint for my own pleasure, and my bliss doesn't really care how I got there. More importantly, if I can share a technique that helps others... then we all grow together. :D Upload 5 from 11/21/16: (006) 'Awakening 101'
As the second half of my life takes form, I realize how much time I've wasted fearing things I don't understand; how many of my beliefs are nothing more than the ideas imposed on me by other people wanting me to think a certain way. I don't know if it's a quote I'm remembering or just a realization I've had, but I now live by the idea, 'A fearful man is easy to control. A loving man is free from control.'. I began my mental reboot just over 10 years ago by starting to question everything; especially my own beliefs. If I feared something, I bought a book on the subject and educated myself. If I felt anything but love for a group, or found I was clinging to stereotypes, I spend time learning facts and creating new truths. Studying Human Psychology, Science and Religion became a passion for me, and I've grown to love more and more of the things I used to fear. In all honesty, I'm now the healthiest (physically, mentally and spiritually) I've ever been... and I have only just begun my explorations. This painting is called 'Awakening 101' and is my playful interpretation of the story of Siddhartha attaining enlightenment under the Bodhi tree. It's simply another expression of what we're all after... a burning desire to better understand life's purpose. It's been said, 'there are as many paths to enlightenment as there are souls that have walked this earth.' While there's certainly no harm in sharing our ideas, finding your own truth is a personal journey. If each of us has the courage to make that pilgrimage, we all benefit. The final installment of my 'Dinner' story is longer than the first two, so I'll keep my introduction brief.
This painting (finished last week) holds a whole array of emotions for me. It's the first acrylic I've done that really holds its own when compared to my better oil paintings. It took about 12 hours (I lost myself in the details and enjoyed every minute of it), and I'm very happy with the final piece. But I also had a hard time finishing it because this cute, little sunflower project was created for one of my students who had expressed an interest in painting flowers, and the day she finished her painting (which was stunning by the way) turned out to be my last day teaching art classes at the non-profit where I volunteered. I won't go into details in this post. I'm still processing what happened, and the choices I had to make. Needless to say, the excitement I felt about finishing this painting lost a bit of its luster once I realized I wouldn't be able to share the final results with my students. And working on it was also a painful reminder of another chapter in my life that may now be behind me. I know I made the right choice. But I really loved teaching to my students, and I know they're suffering from the loss, which makes it very hard to feel good about things as they stand. I'll elaborate in a future post, once I've had time to figure things out. For now, enjoy the last installment of... My Dinner with Ego Part 3: He Ain't Heavy. He's My Ego. We were both relatively quiet while we ate; my silence, the result of surrendering my attention to all the subtle textures and flavors that lay before me. My curry dish was excellent. The chicken was incredibly succulent; the vegetables still crisp. The lime leaves added a tart, fruity element to the broth; the fresh basil leaves, an herbaceous finish. What stood out most to me though was the unique texture of the Thai eggplant. The quartered pieces were perfectly bite-sized; the flesh was soft and tender, but the seeds retained a crunchy quality, like fish eggs on sushi rolls. Before long, I was experiencing spiciness, on a very deep, personal level. I had underestimated what this restaurant considered medium heat, and the sweat on my forehead was telling. I added extra scoops of jasmine rice to the mix, hoping the aromatic grain would reduce the heat... but to no avail. I was in Nirvana. Persona, on the other hand, looked lost in thought. He ate his food absently, his eyes focused on some distant point in space. I imagined he was thinking back on what he'd said; wondering if it had effected me. Whatever was on his mind, the quiet was making him uneasy again. "Persona, It's important you understand where I'm coming from, so please indulge me while I share a few of my thoughts and experiences." "I'll start with one of the big catalysts behind my shift in thinking. It's an idea we've encountered in several books and movies over the past few years. Forgive me for going a little abstract on you" I held up my spoon; twisting it back and forth by the handle, admiring the distorted reflections in the concave surface. "'Seth Speaks', a book I discovered when I was in my teens, described that we manifested this spoon as a prop to use in our 'play'; a form-based projection, constructed from our own mental energy. The world of Quantum Physics, would describe this spoon as the potentiality of molecules, appearing to join together almost consciously, to fulfill a function. In Buddhism, the spoon would be described as an illusion of form. Eckhart Tolle, an author I discovered very recently, would say it was the instability of form, impermanent and ever changing." "Personally, I think it was expressed most directly by that kid in 'The Matrix', who simply said 'there is no spoon'." "Each of these suggestions basically points to the same idea; that this spoon is essentially an illusion. I find it intriguing so many sources, spanning thousands of years, and from different schools of thought, could suggest such a similar concept." I put the spoon down on the table, done using it for my demonstration. I hoped it would dematerialize (to illustrate my point); but I had curry left, and the spoon knew it still served a purpose; so it remained. I continued. "Just this one suggestion of forms being an 'illusion' has renewed my imagination; it's rekindled that feeling of magic I haven't felt since I was a child. It’s inspired me to view everything differently. And yes... it's the reason I try to commune with the trees... and animals, and rocks for that matter." I smiled. "But my new perspective came with a price." "My interpretation of reality has been altered so radically, I'm struggling to fit in." "This world is utterly ruled by the illusion of form, and it's difficult to live the way I want to live, knowing 'bliss won't pay the bills', as you so eloquently put it." "This is where you come in." I took a deep breath... centered myself. "Persona, you are a skilled tactician in this world. You know the rules, and you know how to play by them. You enjoy the challenge of interacting with the same elements that make me uncomfortable." "Let me stop you right there." Persona interjected. "You're little 'world without cutlery' sounds fascinating and all, but you have yet to explain why it's my responsibility to shelter you from this 'illusion'." His tone was thick and mocking. "It sounds to me like you're the one with problems. I'm doing just fine." "The answer is simple." I replied. "You're not happy." He was taken aback by my statement. And I could see by the look in his eyes, he knew I was right. Whether he liked it or not, I knew Persona better than he knew himself. I was his silent observer, after all. "I know that sounds like a bold statement, but stop and think about it..." "You see conflict everywhere." "You watch the news, read the newspaper, every day, even though it makes you angry and depressed. You feel persecuted by people with opposing political and religious views. You don't feel like you get the respect and appreciation you deserve from the people at work, at home... at the grocery store for that matter. Even rush hour traffic gets your blood boiling." "And you think you could do better?!?" The volume of his voice had spiked considerably. His blood was boiling. "That's what I'm trying to say." I interjected. "I don't believe anyone can do better; not if the scope of their existence rests only on the surface. Living a life with limited perception is like unknowingly wearing blinders. It's one reason most people are dissatisfied with their existence, without ever understanding why." "Limited awareness equates to fewer choices; less opportunity for meaningful growth." I paused for a moment, hoping to take the conversation in a more positive direction. "But there are tools for personal change." "I'll give you a simple Zen Buddhist teaching I used as a conduit for starting my own self awareness. It's practiced in many Eastern ideologies." "The basic idea is to simply question 'everything', especially your own beliefs. This is a surprisingly easy step toward breaking out of old patterns." "Frankly speaking, we've each seen different things, been taught different things through the course of our lives. We are a product of our environment and are therefore a collective race of infinitely unique perspectives." "With so many human variables walking this planet simultaneously, it's no wonder many of us feel alone, even in a crowded room. No two people are having the same experience." "The question then becomes: if none of us is sharing the same experience, can there be one true reality?" "This is where a lot of my new thinking comes in. If I entertain ideas outside my comfort zone, I open doors to greater awareness. In other words, by disbelieving what I think is real, I open myself to the possibility of seeing beyond my own limitations." "This has become my mantra." Persona looked at me skeptically. "So all I have to do is disbelieve in this table, and just like that, my noodles will fall in my lap? Or are the noodles illusion too?" He huffed. "Let me give you an example that pretty much disintegrates the little box you're thinking is confined to right now. This is just one aspect of the illusion of our existence; one that is purely scientific, and illustrates a basic truth most of us overlook." "We perceive things with our senses; they tell us the objects around us are solid." I pressed down on the table. "Our lives are filled with objects that serve a purpose: food, clothing, furniture. Our roofs protect us from the weather; our walls separate us from each other." "But if you take a look at any matter on an elemental level, there is almost no substance. All matter is made up of atoms, collectively moving around each other in space. Take that down to a sub-atomic level, and you now have protons and neutrons at the nucleus, surrounded by distantly orbiting electrons. But again, it's mostly space." "It is scientifically proven that matter is almost entirely made up of space, yet we still perceive it as solid. Our physical senses are not capable of telling us the whole story, and we continue believing the illusion." "I believe the path to enlightenment lies in moving past those illusions." "What does that have to do with anything?" He scornfully replied, crossing his arms and leaning back in his chair. "What does that have to do with my being unhappy?" "The reason I believe you're unhappy is because you measure your value almost entirely through physical objects: your suits are tailor made, your house is filled with the newest technology, your car is more a 'status symbol' than functional." "Eventually, a new gadget comes out, and you feel lessened for a time, until you’re able to acquire it. Then something falls to disrepair, and you feel lessened for a time, until you’re able to fix it. You see yourself more as the objects that surround you, than you see yourself as who you are inside. If the condition of those objects is less than perfect, you see yourself as less than perfect. This kind of addiction to form is a guaranteed path to suffering." "So you're telling me my situation is hopeless unless I go the way of the hermit and give away all my worldly possessions? Fat chance of that happening." "I guess what I'm trying to say is your soul is your only true possession, everything else is just a loaner. If you can avoid feeling a sense of attachment to the things around you, you are freed to enjoy them for what they are, and not mistake them for who you are." "It's all about recognizing the impermanency of form, and being at peace with it; another example of our reality versus our perception of reality." "Personally, I find this stuff fascinating, and liberating." Persona leaned toward me. "And I find it irritating, and a waste of time. I have too many responsibilities in this so called illusion of yours to entertain such ideas. I would have a mental breakdown if I tried to replace your way of thinking, with the kind of thinking I need, just to survive each day." "Precisely why it's so important we work as a team." I presented my next thought quietly and respectfully. "Functioning in this world is your specialty; uncovering the illusions, so we can be at peace, is mine. Together we form the perfect union for not only surviving, but also loving this experience. We are vital to each other's success." "And I apologize for not understand that, before now." It was my turn to sit back in the chair and wait, hopeful I had made my point; hopeful Persona wasn't simply too lost in thought to care. He sat quietly, but his expression was no longer that of irritation. There was a clarity in his eyes; an understanding. "I have to admit, I see your point." I breathed a mental sigh of relief. Our waiter arrived to clear the table, and placed our cheque between us. We waited quietly, and thanked him for the experience as he departed. "So where do we go from here?" was his next question. "The next step is easy." I said. "You do what you do best. I'll do what I do best. You keep me from losing myself to the world around us. I'll keep you from losing yourself to the rat race that runs it. It seems like a pretty harmonious relationship to me." “You’re not going to start running naked through the trees if I agree to your terms, are you?” He mocked me. “Of course not.” I replied. “At least, not just yet.” I grinned. "Then it sounds like a pretty good place for us to start again. Lets give it a shot." He said, as he slid his chair back from the table. "Now if you don't mind, my brain is full. I think I'll call it a night. Dinner's on me Satori... unless you want to try paying with 'bliss'." He smiled. "I suspect your way is more socially acceptable... and thank you" I smiled back. "Have a good evening, Persona" I stood up to shake his hand. "You as well." I left Persona with the cashier, walked across the restaurant floor, and pushed open the door into the cool night air. I was looking forward to the walk home... and to feeling whole again. I’ll get to Part 2 of ‘My Dinner with Ego’ momentarily, but first I’d like to share a fun factoid that blew my mind. Not only is an Avocado a fruit, it’s considered a single-seeded berry. Adding to the list of surprising fruits you didn’t know were berries are: Pumpkin, Watermelon and Bananas. And if that doesn’t threaten your childhood notions enough, how about this little surprise: Strawberries are not berries at all. How’s that for a reality check? And all this discovered while researching titles for my latest drawing. :P
About this week’s drawing... This is the first of many participatory pieces you’ll be seeing from me. While gearing up for my summer classes, I had a realization. I remembered one of my favorite aspects of taking art classes was the benefit of stopping for a moment to watch my teacher paint or draw the same subject. So I’ve revamped my lesson structure to not only include a brief demonstration up front, but now I also draw/paint alongside my students, so they can see how I solve the same challenge. I’ve only done this in two classes so far, and the results have been impressive. Now for Part 2 of a playful little dialog I imagined having with my ego a few years ago; a story I wrote after I concluded the ego wasn’t something to be feared or hated, but that it was definitely better suited to the role of co-pilot rather than the leading role I’d allowed it for so many years. My Dinner with Ego Part 2: The Spring Roll of Our Discontent I studied Persona's face carefully. His head was tilted slightly downward, brow furrowed. His eyes were sharp and piercing. There was a palpable, defensive energy about him. "I don't know who you think you are, Satori, but I've been running this show for a long time now, and I think I deserve more respect than this. The only reason you are where you are today is because I've invested so much energy into educating you." "I would agree with that, Persona. Your strong desire to be cultured and knowledgeable has made me who I am. It has awakened me. I'm not sure I would be here today if not for you." He paused for a moment, visibly surprised. I wasn't fighting him, as I had in the past. I could see his frustration growing in the face of my passive agreement. "Wait!" He blurted. "Now? After two frustrating years, two years of you acting like I was the enemy, you're telling me you agree with me?" His tone turned cynical. "I hope you don't expect me to buy that, after everything you've said; after the distance you tried to create." "Persona, I owe you an apology... and an explanation." "Yes you do. And after all this time, I'm not sure I want to hear it. I..." Our waiter had arrived to take our order. Persona was a little less than cordial about the interruption. "I'll have the special." he uttered, hastily handing back the unopened menu. I suspect he didn't know what he had ordered... and didn't care. I turned my full attention to the waiter. "I'd like to try the Gang Pa Curry." I said, intrigued by the baby Thai eggplants in the picture. They looked like little alien pods. "And lets start with the Po Pia Sad, the fresh spring rolls, for an appetizer." I smiled at the waiter as I handed back the menu. I encouraged Persona to continue. He made an effort to calm himself after he realized his irritation had cost him the opportunity of performing one of his favorite roles, that of 'the professional interacting with the hired help'. "As I was saying." He spoke more quietly; but with greater authority. "You've made things very unpleasant for me over the past two years.” “Since before you were wise enough to know better, I've carried the burden of managing our priorities. I've struggled to improve our standing in the community, to improve our image in the eyes of others." "You, on the other hand, spend your days communing with trees, watching cloud formations; you waste away the hours being 'aware'." He did the little two-finger quotation gesture for mock emphasis. "I hoped you would take a break from your dream world, and try living in reality once in a while." "But I guess I should give up on that happening. It's quite apparent you're happy in your new little world, lacking the skills to function among us mere mortals, hoping bliss will pay the bills." At that moment the spring rolls were placed on our table by our waiter, who was making an effort not to disturb us. I was hopeful the appetizer would give Persona a chance to take a breath. He was turning ever so slightly red. I offered him one, and immediately knew I'd offended him by shifting my focus so quickly from what he was saying. "I assure you, I'm giving you my full attention. It's part of my 'awareness' practice." I smiled at him. "I just thought you'd like to try a spring roll. It's a very fresh variation of its fried cousin. Dip it in the tamarind sauce, it has a very pleasant fruitiness." I respect a sauce that can start sour, turn sweet, then finish salty. And the thin jalapeño slices garnishing the rolls add a nice kick. He declined with a wave of his hand. Obviously he had a lot more on his mind. I urged him to continue. "I don't think you appreciate how hard I work to improve our lives." "Over the past few months alone, I've spent a lot of my free time schmoozing with people I don't even like, just to open a few doors with some important names in the business.” "I've spent years amassing knowledge to impress others. I've travelled the world on business. I have a very sophisticated palette for fine dining. I'm intimately involved in the creative community. I impress people with my technically savvy. I can adapt to many roles to suit my audiences..." he paused for dramatic effect, "and this has somehow become unimportant to you." "Frankly," he concluded, "I wonder if you even remember how to fit in; to play your role. Is it so important for you to live in your perfect dream world, you just don't care how loopy you appear to the rest of us any more?" His tone softened a bit. "Sorry if I sound harsh, but I'm frustrated... and a little worried about our future." "Persona, your honesty and bluntness are appreciated." I said, smiling; taking a moment to consider my next words. "This is why we're both here right now; to try and find neutral ground again. I've come to realize coexistence is the key to our success, but we have a bit of damage control to attend to first." I wanted to keep the situation candid; to make the moment mutually beneficial. As if on queue, our dinner arrived. Our waiter nimbly set clean, white plates before us; entrees to the side. A large, ornate bowl of steaming Jasmine rice was placed in the center of the table for us to share. Enticing smells emanated from our entrees. I stopped to admire the presentation of my food. A mound of thinly sliced chicken, baby corn, bamboo shoots, and quartered baby eggplants rose above a swirling blend of curry paste in a clear, red broth. Lime and basil leaves floated loosely around in the mix. It looked somewhat like a prehistoric mountain emerging from a primal sea. An unmistakable hint of tart lemon-lime was present above the scent of curry and basil. "Lets take a moment to enjoy the food, while we collect our thoughts," I suggested. He looked down at his plate, relieved to discover the special was simply a beef and rice noodle soup. He took a deep breath, and sighed. "Yes. Lets eat." He paused for a moment. "Apparently, tension gives me an appetite." He chuckled. Having spoken his mind, he was relaxing noticeably for the first time this evening. to be continued... I’ll start today’s Blog with a short explanation of why I painted a big metal can.
About a month ago I challenged my older art students to paint the very reflective object you see below, done in acrylic. Each struggled in their own way… questioning their skills on a few occasions. But ultimately, they all produced surprisingly great artwork. After the project was over, I realized I had failed them in one very important regard. I hadn’t painted this can myself; I had not shared in their struggles, and I had not provided them with an example painting to work toward. My finished painting (also done in acrylic) is the result of that conclusion. In my student’s defense, this was no easy task. Reflective metal can be a serious challenge. And I have yet to achieve an acrylic gradient or blend that looks as nice as what I’m capable of with oils. In retrospect, I might have reconsidered such a tough subject, had I tried it first. I now plan on painting everything I put before them (in the same medium), whether done along side them in class so they can observe my techniques, or at the very least, painted in advance so they have a finished example to study and learn from. Lesson learned. And I hope I’m a better teacher as a result. Now on to the sillier portion of today’s post; part one of a story I wrote a few years ago while trying to better recognize and understand the subtle differences between the aware mind and the human ego. I’ll share the last two parts in future posts so I don’t drown a single blog entry with too much info (advice given to me by a dear friend who pointed out he 'didn’t have endless hours to read my rantings’). :) My Dinner with Ego Starring: Satori as 'Consciousness' And Introducing: Persona as 'The Ego' Part 1: The Meeting of Mind When I first contacted Persona, he seemed very distracted. His full attention was not on our conversation, but he concurred it was time to reconcile our differences. We decided to meet at a little Thai restaurant on the corner of Reverie and Bane. He pointed out it was the hip, new place to be seen. We would talk over dinner that evening. I wasn't worried about time. I decided the restaurant was close enough, a walk would be pleasant. I grabbed my essentials and headed out the door. One of those great summer storms had just ended; the kind where the rainfall is light, and the sun still shines through breaks in the clouds. A damp, earthy smell mixed with that of hot, wet pavement. Car tires splashed through puddles on the road. Shapes of light and color danced within glistening water beads resting on leaves. The moment was perfect. I arrived at the restaurant energized. A taxi pulled up moments later. A very focused man hurriedly put away papers and ended what appeared to be a tense phone conversation. He then forcefully threw the taxi door open and stepped out... right into a puddle. His aura of confidence was temporarily overshadowed by frustration at the undeserved damage done to his expensive, designer shoe. Once clear of the taxi, he turned to face me. I experienced an odd sensation when our eyes met; like looking into a mirror, but the reflection holds a different expression. I moved forward to greet him, and without hesitation he gripped me in a power handshake. "Satori. It's a pleasure." His expression didn't match his words. I returned his greeting. "Persona. It's nice to meet you face to face after all these years." "We have a lot to discuss. Wouldn't you agree?" "I believe it's long past due." He nodded his agreement "Indeed. Lets head in. I'm starving." He reached out and pulled the door open for me. Inside, the restaurant was wonderfully decorated: Several patrons were already seated in wicker chairs at dark, wooden tables. Rich tapestries of burgundy and gold hung from the walls. Intricately painted ceramic lamps provided soft light. And teak elephant carvings adorned the window seal. Traditional 'puppet-theatre' style, Khruang Sai music resonated quietly through the room. And the smell of curry and fresh basil coming from the kitchen was utterly mouthwatering. Persona hadn't noticed. He recognized an old acquaintance at a nearby table, struck up a conversation, exchanged a few pleasantries, a few business cards, then rejoined me as we were about to be seated. The host selected a table by the window; a perfect vantage point from which to watch the setting sun. Our waiter arrived shortly thereafter. He was a middle-aged man; thin and agile, with a warm smile and rich accent. He offered us menus, pointed out his favorite entrees, and left to get our drinks. The moment had arrived. What to say first... I hoped to start with light conversation; to break into the dialog slowly. I wanted to make this moment comfortable for both of us. Persona had other plans. "No more playing around." he said. "I think this game has gone on long enough." to be continued… I’ll start with the artistic portion of the post…
This painting was actually done back in December; my final project for my Advanced Oil Painting class. I’m only now able to varnish and hang it (oils can take several months to dry completely), so I consider it finished today. The subject also fits in nicely with the mindful little gem I’m including in this post, so the timing is great. The painting is entitled “The Grove of Twelve Hundred Tranquilities”, highlighting one of twelve hundred Rakan (disciples of Shaka, the founder of Buddhism) statues found at Otagi Nenbutsu-Ji, a Buddhist temple in Kyoto, Japan. Most of these figures were carved and donated by amateurs across the country as part of a temple renovation project in the 1980s. Do a web search for ‘Rakan Figures’ if you ever want to see just how plentiful and wonderful these little stone characters are. You can also thank Cheer for this painting. She begged me for a Rakan several months ago, a request I am just now fulfilling. And honestly, there are so many whimsically blissed out characters surrounding this Temple, and this painting was such a joy to create, I could probably dedicate all my artistic efforts to Rakans and never run out of source material. Like the old saying goes, ‘do what you love’. And what’s not to love about these mystical little figures. Which leads me to the thought provoking portion of today’s post… an idea that will prove either deeply meaningful to you, or will be complete gibberish. Among my favorite discoveries in life, this is one of the most liberating epiphanies I've had. Frankly, I'm surprised how frequently I encounter this concept now, considering I read some of these books when I was a teenager, and completely missed it. (Which makes me wonder if certain ideas are virtually invisible to you until you're ready for them.) I present to you sound reasoning for living your life in the present; recognizing there is only this moment. It goes like this: The past is already behind you, and therefore no longer impacts you. The future has not happened yet, and is therefore not worth worrying about. The present moment is the only one you can truly experience. It deserves your full attention. When I was first introduced to this concept, my initial thought was 'oh.. so I should just forget about being denied that raise last month… the guy who cut me off in traffic this morning… all the people who treat me disrespectfully? I shouldn't worry about having to go to work tomorrow… paying my bills… saving money for that car repair?' The simple truth is…no, you shouldn't fret over any of those things. All the experiences you've had, good or bad, are now nothing more than memories. They can't impact you now. The only reason they feel real is because of your ego's desire to relive them; to strengthen itself through them. The actual experience is now in the past, and no longer effects you. And all the events looming on the horizon are just that; events that will or will not happen. Some you can control, some you can't. Worrying about them does not change this fact. It just adds unnecessary (potentially toxic) emotion to a possible event. The only moment you can interact with is the present moment; each passing second, as it happens. It's a fundamental, undeniable truth. And it doesn't conflict with any philosophy or theology I've encountered, so it can be practiced by everyone. Something deep inside me tells me it's one of the foundations for living an enlightened life. The question then becomes, how do I practice this? What routines best stimulate awareness of the present moment? For me, the best method is by being aware of the senses. This can be tricky, because the ego wants to jump in and define things; it wants to apply words to the experience. You bite into an apple, and before awareness has a chance to enjoy it, the ego says ‘Been there, done that. Give me something new to try.' Awareness wants you to take a moment and admire the sunset during your commute. Your ego wants you to read the billboards. These are the steps I use to keep myself present (And I won’t lie. It can be very challenging at times): Step 1: Quiet the mind Step 2: Pay attention Repeat constantly I'll give an example. But be aware, the actual experience is more of a quiet observation, free from subjective thoughts and words. (The Buddhist saying, 'The finger that points to the moon, is not the moon,' aptly illustrates how my example should be taken.) In an effort to eliminate our natural inclination to micro-describe objects, Imagine you are blindfolded and handed a piece of fruit. You are now limited to touch, smell and taste, but that doesn't stop you from trying to identify clues as to what it is. Avoid that desire. The purpose of this practice is to use sensory depravation to enhance your remaining senses. Limiting one sense can train you to respect and fully apply your remaining senses. Without sight, you can better feel the flesh of the fruit; admire its texture. You are more in tune with its scent, how it grows stronger as you cut into it. You are able to fully experience the different tastes as the fruit passes over different parts of your tongue and into your throat. All three senses come together to form an experience far beyond anything you would have known had you simply seen the fruit, named it, and popped it in your mouth. You're now having an experience akin to that of a child, trying something for the first time. Imagine how exciting life would be if we felt that way about everything. I believe this is the level we were meant to experience life. This is the degree of observation we should be using while eating a meal, strolling in a park, watching storm clouds roll in, enjoying animals in their natural habitat. (Not that I'm suggesting you roll squirrels around on your tongue.) If you heighten your senses; if you become this intimately aware of everything around you, you begin to see the life behind the labels we've created for them. That is what I mean by living in the moment. Everything you have available to you lies in this moment. It is precious and deserves to be fully experienced. I can think of no greater practice for a meaningful life. I hope you enjoyed this post, and I hope you like my new painting. Best wishes, Justin This week's painting combines many new tricks learned from recently discovered art videos, mixed with some of my favorite, personal artistic techniques acquired over the years. I started with a gel-brushed canvas for texture. I used one of my favorite, old color palettes: Burnt Umber, Burnt Sienna and Titanium White. I applied my favorite canvas priming technique with the end goal of suggesting a highly atmospheric, stormcloud effect for the sky, rather than my usual marblish-looking undercoat. Then I palette-knifed in the mountains, tree trunk and branches, using a brush to help me shape the tinier branches. Highlights were kept minimal throughout; in an attempt to create a low-light, low contrast atmosphere. And ultimately I ended up with a very apocalyptic landscape to which Cheer commented "Where's the Floating Skull?"... thus the title. :D
It's interesting to note that while my still-life paintings are perhaps a better representation of my artistic skills, I'm actually having more fun and am left with a greater desire to paint again soon, following these little atmospheric, landscapy experiments. Funny thing is, I just finished watching a very timely video by another YouTube artist I like, Ryan O'Rourke, with the basic message that you have to paint what you love, not what other people tell you is art. It presents a challenge for someone who wants to be taken seriously, but genuinely loves playing with the medium. And frankly, I'd rather be excited about painting every day, than worried I might mess up some complex composition I've designed because I fear I lack the skills to pull off. In summary, creating has become so much more than simply showing off what I've learned. Instead, it's become a way to reach that special space where the noise of the world quiets down... if only for a brief while. After years of honing my skills, I'm ultimately drawn to the most important one; the one that reminds me I can do no wrong when I'm in a place of creating. I can now turn a blank canvas and an odd assortment of tools and tubes of color into a magical experience that leaves me smiling every time. Maybe artistic mastery, fame and fortune don't matter as much as my ego would like me to believe. I say it's more important that I've discovered 'Justin's Own' brand of reaching inner peace. I hope you enjoyed this week's painting and blog entry. I also hope each of you is ravenously pursuing your own bliss, despite what the world might think of your path. Your life will be a masterpiece, regardless of what you decide to do with it. I'm simply suggesting you chose to make it a Rembrandt rather than a Paint-by-Numbers. Warmest Regards, Justin Hello everyone, and welcome back to my blog. You may have noticed an increase in the frequency of my posts lately. I've been on a creative sprint these past few weeks, getting inspired by recently discovered online painting tutorials... and having a ton of fun along the way. I thought I'd take a moment to explain why I've decided to go with this more playful, more graphical direction for a while by giving you a little background on this week's piece. I'm a firm believer in giving credit where credit's due. And now that I've been asked to take over some of the younger art classes at the Joy Foundation, I'm going to need all the help I can get.
This week's painting idea comes directly from Cinnamon Cooney's painting tutorials on YouTube. Lovingly known in the community as The Art Sherpa, Cinnamon's approach and attitude are altogether positive, playful and inspirational to the newer, and especially younger aspiring artists out there. Her original piece is entitled 'Beachcombing'; a part of her 2015 #lovesummerart collaboration with a gaggle of other charming YouTube artists I'm just now exploring. If you love painting, and are on the lookout for new ideas, I whole-heartedly suggest you take a look at her huge series of painting tutorials. And I'll definitely include the names of the other channels as I explore and incorporate their ideas into future paintings, and possible class projects. To give you an idea how simple this piece is, her acrylic color palette is Cadmium Yellow, Yellow Ochre, Burnt Sienna, Thalo Blue, Mars Black and Titanium White (I just now realized I didn't even use Burnt Sienna in my oils palette). And other than a nice variety of typical brushes, her secret tool for this piece is a sponge; the more pourous the better. Compositionally, it's even easier. You draw a semi-squiggly line from the upper right to bottom left corner, making sure you start down about an inch from the top corner, and end about an inch up from the bottom corner. Then you proceed to fill the ocean side with deep blue green in the upper left corner blending into a pale white-green as it nears the beach. The beach side starts with darker browns in the lower right corner, blending into a lighter 'sandy' tan color as it nears the water's edge (note that it is not as contrasty as the water side was). Once the colors meet in the middle, you create foam on the water and texture on the sand by gently dabbing white with a sponge (be careful not to work both sides at the same time, in case the paint's still wet). Then you add waves to the ocean side with thick, white paint strokes, and add cast shadows on the beach side, right against the water’s edge with dark brown or green… and you're pretty much done (I stopped there for my practice, but Cinnamon added shells and starfish to the beach for her finishing touch.). Again, it’s a wonderfully easy piece, from an altogether adorable YouTube instructor. I highly recommend you check her videos out. And if you have about an hour to play around, give this painting a shot. You'll be very pleased with how easy it is to get great results on this one. Until next time, Justin Today's painting and subsequent blog post is more about salvage than success. I'll be the first to admit... painting landscapes intimidates me. It probably has something to do with my propensity for painting in extreme detail, and how landscapes seem to follow the opposite rule... where less is always more. I'm quite confident in my ability to paint the human form and most still life subjects, but man do I struggle with painting nature in a way that looks.... natural?!
So, like the Old Masters of art, I YouTubed my way through several hours of instructional video, trying to grasp the basics. I started were any respectable artist would, of course; I Bob Ross'd it for a few episodes and now grasp the concept of what makes a 'happy tree', and the importance of giving that little shrub 'a friend'. I delved into Bill Alexander, and discovered he invented wet-on-wet (don't tell Monet, Van Gogh, and the others), and that I need to find my own 'waie', whatever that may be. I even picked up a few key concepts from contemporary painter, John Magne Lisondra; an incredible landscape painter (who may also be an android).* I gathered many wonderfully simple concepts from these combined lessons... Unsurprisingly, I had multiple confirmations that depth is best suggested with base fill colors that are darkest in the nearest objects, growing paler as the objects become more distant (see my experimental painting on Jan 26th to see what I mean). It was also repeatedly verified that you start foliage with the darkest shadow regions first, adding midtones, then highlights, to turn the form. Watery reflections are best represented first with soft downward strokes using a soft brush to pull the colors uniformly, then gentle back and forth strokes to suggest the effect of subtle wave-like motion. And I noted that each of them finalized most of the details of background objects first before placing focal objects in front of them, rather than painting all the mountains at the same time, then all the ground cover at the same time, then all the tree trunks at the same time, then all the leaves at the same time, etc. (And if I'm understanding correctly, based on Bill and Bob's setup, I need to have about $300 worth of oils on my palette before I begin.) ;) So what did I learn specifically from painting this piece? I learned I'm probably better off working from real life (or at least real life images as reference and inspiration) and that my imagined landscapes are not very... imaginative. I learned that sometimes you have to throw in the towel on one slowly failing concept to open yourself up to playing with other variables. And I learned I will probably be much more satisfied with my landscapes if I use un-textured, un-primed canvas for those pieces, saving the pre-textured canvases for things like... oh say, Carmen Miranda sporting her best Sunday hat. All in all, I'm considering this a highly successful salvage of a piece that wouldn't have otherwise stood up to any of the best rules of interesting composition, or nature behaving naturally. And incidentally, I've stumbled upon a rather interesting design technique which I definitely wouldn't mind playing with in other graphical contexts. As always, I had a great time giving it my best effort, which marks a success in my book. I hope you enjoy my newest painting, "Storybook Mountains". It's definitely a departure from my usual creations. Best wishes to all of you, Justin * (Please note: I have the deepest respect for all the instructors I researched, and anyone else brave enough to share their skills on the internet for the benefit of others. I'm just enjoying a little light-hearted ribbing in this post. I loved watching every last one of these videos, and learned tons.) |
AuthorHello everyone. I'm Justin Mackay. I'm a creative soul, an explorer of life's mysteries, and a big fan of all the beauty in the world. If you're just here for the paintings, then head on over to my Art tab. If you wish to delve deeper into the odd thoughts of a pondering mind, then this is the place for you. Archives
February 2018
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